


Ice

by MoonlightShines (Thatkillervibe)



Series: A Hope That Fuels The Light [1]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, Barrisco friendship, F/M, Future Fic, Holidays Fic, Hurt/Comfort, KillerVibe - Freeform, Killerfrost angst, Neither does Julian with Caitlin, New Years, Oops?, Squint and you'll see the tornado twins, We got married because we're single and best friends trope, in which I like Cynthia but she does not end up with Cisco, in which flash point really messed things up, random metas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-12-17 04:58:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11844411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thatkillervibe/pseuds/MoonlightShines
Summary: Caitlin was asleep. She sat in the chair with a quilt draped over her lap. Her hair, a permanent messy mix of brown and white fanned over her face as her head slumped against her shoulder.The sight pulled at Cisco’s heartstrings.





	Ice

**Author's Note:**

> There are some warnings, you can read them in the end notes so as to not spoil the fic.  
> This story was hard and draining to write, but it does end on a high note.

Sometimes Central City got so cold, icicles the length of medieval swords would freeze over the roof of Star Labs. Their insulator system was a little shabby, but the fixture of the building wasn’t run down. It was just that cold.

When that happened, Cisco would shoot Barry this pleading look and the icicles would be gone before Cisco was able to say please.  
The December wind was not pleasant and Cisco was itching to get home. He considered to just vibe there to avoid the snow and the traffic, but he drove his car to work and Cisco hasn’t stooped to those levels of dependence on his powers yet unlike _some_ people. Mainly one person.

Barry.

Moving on.

It was just Barry and Cisco at the labs. Wally was on Earth 2 celebrating Christmas with Jessie and her father (They had an extra week in their calendar) and Joe was over at Cecile's. True evil metas did not care about intruding on superheroes New Year's plans with their families.

They were wrapping it up, the meta, Starchosis—a woman with the ability to hypnotize humans and manipulate star shaped plasma to use as weapons— was already locked in her cell. Cisco finished printing the analysis of her weapon sample when Barry peeled off his winter-themed Flash suit, slow enough to start a conversation with him. “Come to our party, please? It’s just us. Iris and the kids, nobody else.”

Cisco heaved a heavy sigh. They’ve been over this.

“I can’t leave her alone.”

Caitlin.

Barry paused.

“How is she?”

“Not great.”

“I can text Iris and we can have a small get together at yours.”

Cisco sees the sincerity in Barry’s eyes.

Aw, hell.

Barry Allen could not help but care. It was woven into his DNA. Cisco understood that, he did. Barry can defeat homicidal super villains and multi-universe dilemmas. But there are some things that cannot be fixed by speed. That cannot be helped by The Flash. It’s in those moments Barry feels the weakest, the most helpless. When he’s stuck watching his closest friends suffer with no way to relieve them. Caitlin, what she needs is a process. Slowness. It’s something Barry doesn’t know how to do.

“Barry, I know you miss her, but she doesn’t want to see anyone.”

Cisco looks down at his hands where he accidentally crumpled the data sheet he was holding. He goes to the laptop to reprint.

Barry gets Cisco his coat and brushes off the snow from his car in less than a minute—Bless him.

“—Okay. Tell her Happy New Years for us then? Please? I really mean it. If anyone deserves a happier year, it's her.”

Cisco wraps his best friend up in a hug. “Yeah, I will.”

 ~.~

Their home was a small one, with one spare bedroom that they had already furnished for Caitlin’s surprise baby shower.

When Cisco shrugged off his coat and locked the door behind him, he already knew, with deep resignation that the nursery is where she would be.  
He went to the kitchen to turn on the kettle and made a cup of tea first.

Cisco was grieving too. Their house was quiet and unbalanced. With every meal at their little kitchen table, there was an overwhelming presence of something missing. Someone missing. He felt a loss gaping in his chest, like an aching wound that pulled with every breath.  
He pushed himself off the counter and brought the steaming Star Labs mug to the nursery.

Caitlin was asleep. She sat in the rocking chair with a quilt draped over her lap. Her hair, a permanent messy mix of brown and white fanned over her face as her head slumped against her shoulder.

The sight pulled at Cisco’s heartstrings. He left the tea on the abandoned changing table and bent down in front of his wife.

They married each other because they were best friends. Caitlin trusted Cisco in a way she confided in him she’d never trust any other man to ever again. They were both single, they were older, it just seemed right, natural and fitting, in Caitlin's words.

Cisco, though? He was in love with her.

He always was, before Julian or “Jay” or even Ronnie. But he’d only ever been what she needed him to be. And now, Caitlin needed Cisco as her husband. So that’s who he was.

Cisco knew, if one day he woke up to Caitlin holding divorce papers because she did meet someone else, and Cisco wasn’t convinced she wouldn’t despite her claims, he’d sign every one without a word. His heart would shrivel up inside of him, but he would sign them.

“Hey Cait,” Cisco said softly, brushing the hair out of her face and watching her eyes flutter and squint before opening. She takes in where she is and who she’s with and sighs.

“Did Vibe and Flash save the day?” she asked through a yawn.

“Of course,” Cisco goes to fetch her the tea. “It would have been nice to have Dr. Snow with us too, though.”

Caitlin tensed. “I’m not ready.”

Cisco swallowed. “Okay.”

He was going to bring up Barry’s offer, but it would be in vain. Ultimately, he knew she wouldn’t want to go. The twins would be there and… She couldn’t see them. Not yet. Even he had a hard time looking down at their smiling faces.

“Let’s get you downstairs, huh? We can hot chocolate and Star Wars until midnight? Sounds good?”

Caitlin tightened her grip on the mug. “No thanks.”

“You’re right, you’re right, I’ve been inflicting too much Star Wars on you. We can watch Dr. Dolittle instead?”

“I want to stay here Cisco.”

Cisco ran a hand through his hair and sighed. They’ve had this fight almost every day.

“It’s not good for you to be in here, Cait.”

Honestly, Cisco should wake up in the middle of the night and take it all down. He just hasn’t had the heart to yet. This was his daughter’s room. He also knows he could ask Barry or Wally to if he asked and they’d have it done under five minutes. So he doesn’t ask.

“I deserve it, don't you think? It's what's fair. I ruined everything, so I might as well bask in what I lost.”

“Caitlin, _no_.”

“I froze my baby, Cisco. I killed her. When are you going to finally accept that? I _Killerfrosted_ our baby.”

Cisco’s stomach ties itself into knots and he wills himself not to get sick. “That’s not how it happened.”

The baby was stillborn. The doctors admitted that it was their mistake, that they should have performed a C-section instead of risking a meta undergoing natural labor.

She died. The heartbeat petered out six hours into her contractions unexpectedly. She died and Caitlin’s body temperature plummeted from the shock despite her power dampening cuffs. She had to push, as Cisco’s sobbed heartbroken encouragements, through the fear, the stress and the pain of a lifeless delivery.

When the baby came out, her lips were blue. It was because she stopped breathing half an hour earlier. 

One look at her and Caitlin was convinced it was ice. 

Caitlin shrugged now, listless.

“Who’s to say it wasn’t?” She said, her voice dull.

“I do,” he replied firmly.

He will not have her go on like this. He knows Caitlin was given the short end of the stick in this life, but goddamn it if he’d allow her to think she killed her own baby. That this was her fault. That she deserved it for her time as Killerfrost. If Cisco was younger, it would have been easy to point fingers at Barry again for creating Flashpoint and making this mess. He admitted he had half the mind in the deepest of his lows to beg Barry to go back in time and give them another chance. But he was older now. He was more tired now, too. It’s not how life works. It’s not how The Speedforce works either. And even if it were Flashpoint that gave them Killerfrost and his baby’s death, it was also by Flashpoint the two were pushed together, weared and teared down enough to actually consider and follow through with getting married. Cisco was too selfish to have that taken away.

Besides, the baby’s father was also a meta. A meta with powerful vibration powers. Who knew what the baby could have possessed during the stress of labour? What if she vibed and that was too much for her to handle so young? Caitlin's powers were not the only factor. It was something that Cisco didn’t want to think about.

“Why are you here, Cisco?” Caitlin said, tiredly.

“This is our house?” He tried to joke, confused.

“It’s New Year’s Eve. I know Barry invited you to his party.”

“He invited us to the party, and I’m not going without my wife.”

Caitlin turned to look at him briefly, then out the window where the snow still fell heavily. It was too white. She put her forearm over her head and stares up at the ceiling with a huff.

“This is fucked up,” she said.

Cisco recoiled at her language. He’s never heard her use it.

“What?”

“I begged you to marry me and—”

Cisco is lost.

Caitlin did ask him. But it wasn’t begging. She asked him and he was so floored he thought he died and went to heaven because in what universe does Caitlin Snow propose to _him?_   When she explained it, after Cisco stopped staring and mumbling “ _oh my gods_ ” while looking around for punk’d cameras, it made perfect sense. Cynthia and Cisco never worked out and Julian moved back to England. Barry and Iris were a happy family with their toddler twins.

Why shouldn’t they have gotten married?

“Hold on,” said Cisco, holding a hand out to protest, “I agreed to that. Our wedding was the best day of my life.”

“You don’t have to lie to me Cisco. You had Cynthia and—”

That was a slap to Cisco’s face. “Caitlin. What are you talking about? I love you.”

Caitlin looked exhausted and exasperated rolled into one.

“I love you, too. But you don’t have to stay. This is getting pathetic, you're not _tied_  to me.”

Cisco looked down at their matching gold bands. Of course they were. Far before they were wed. How could he leave?

Cisco’s knees began to tire from squatting in front of her so he let them drop to the carpeted floor. That was the easier explanation for why he came crashing down with a thump.

“Cait, I’m not talking about best friends. I love you,” Cisco’s throat goes dry, “ _romantically_.”

Did she really not know? After all this time? They were going to raise a child together. It wasn’t… The baby wasn’t planned, but it wasn’t a problem either. It wasn’t like they were prude. They had made that baby, and the day she was conceived was not their first time by any means. Sure, maybe it wasn’t conventional, but when was either of their lives that way? They were happy. They were married. Not playing house.

Cisco hoped to god Caitlin didn’t think they were playing house.

“You think that because I was carrying your child.” She said, somehow managing to not sound harsh like her words implied.

Cisco shook his head and grasped tightly onto her arms.

“No. I love you. I’ve been in love for you for years. I’m talking like freaking head over heels, Barry pining over Iris, Westley and Buttercup 'As You Wish' kind of _love_ you.”

“ _What?”_

“Hell, Caitlin _Ramon_. I made you my wife. Do you really think I agreed to that out of convenience? For tax reductions? I did it because it was the most selfish thing I could do that you asked for. I couldn’t say no to my dream. It was my _dream_ , Caitlin.”

Caitlin's hands flew to her mouth, shocked.

“Cisco,” She breathed. 

“You’re my home, _mi amor_ , I thought you knew.”

Caitlin looked up at him, tears welling in her eyes. “I never wanted kids. You knew that. I knew it. Not until I was pregnant with _your_ baby. I was so excited to marry you, to have a family with you. And then it hit me— My feelings for you might have not been so platonic. But I was scared. So I never said anything. I just wished, and somehow I got everything I wanted. And then just as quickly, it was all taken away." 

“Oh, Cait.”

It was the saddest thing Cisco has ever heard and still it made his heart skip a beat. Gently he pried her mug from her cold hand and pulled her up from the chair for a soul healing hug. She wrapped her arms around his back and he buried his head against the crook of her neck as they both cried, shamelessly. A moment passed, and he pulled back to wipe the tears from her eyes when she kisses him. It wasn’t their first, or second or even their fiftieth but it may as well been.

It was the first kiss that meant something different. Something new.

“I love you, Caitlin Snow.” Cisco said lowly, with a small wet laugh.

“It’s Caitlin Snow _Ramon_ ,” she corrected, then smiled. “And I love you.”

And outside, Central City was partying, getting drunk and loud. But their house was calm and quiet and no longer stifled with dread. _Comfort_ , the feeling of home.

“We’re going to get through this," he told her. "It takes mending, and the hurt isn’t going to go away. But we have a baby looking down on us and I think she wants her parents to be okay.”

Caitlin looked around the nursery before walking out of it. Cisco followed her out into the hall and watched as she closed and locked the door behind her. “I want that too. I just need time.”

Relief in plentiful flowed through Cisco and giving him peace unlike any he’s had in months. He glances at the time on the clock in their living room.

“We’ve got a whole new year, love.”

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Stillbirth (Death of a baby), Depression, and some self-loathing.
> 
> Guys, if you want to cry, Small Bump (which is about a miscarriage, not a stillbirth but still!!!!! TEARS) and Lego House by Ed Sheeran were the two songs I thought about the most while writing this series.


End file.
